If I just pretend I'm in school... wait, I am!

Since my candidacy has been looming over my head lately, I've been rethinking my academic career. As a kid, I didn't have to worry about grades and enjoyed school. I studied because I was a nerd and I liked to read. That's pretty much how it was through high school. Yeah, there a couple of nights I'd stay up to work on an assignment, but yet no stress. I studied when I needed to, didn't when I didn't, and I was able to watch some tv at night with no worries. I graduated 6th in my class of almost 700 students and I still remember the counselor telling me, "You are 4th in class right now, not even stressing out. Keep it up and you'll be in top 10, don't even worry about it." I wasn't. I said, "Okay," and did my thing.

College - I'm happy to say was similar. There were more nights that I might stay up to study, but all in all I could handle the stress no problem. I did assignments when they were handed out. I even read ahead sometimes. I wasn't TRYING to ace the exam. I didn't put that pressure on myself. I just knew that there were some subjects that I particularly liked and some that I really didn't. All in all, I did alright and ended up with A's in the classes I wanted A's to begin with.

Now I'm in graduate school. Graduate school has been tough, I'm not going to lie about that. Although I've been stressed, I don't say, "That's it, I'm so tired of studying I'm just gonna watch tv until the test and throw it all away." Yeah, I might get tired of studying, because it feels as though I've had to study so much lately, but I keep doing it. I take a break, play with the dogs, make sure I sleep and I keep doing it. Even with the stress though, I keep reminding myself that I might not know everything during my exams, but I've been working hard and it will show and things will be okay. I don't just give up.

That's what I think I need to do about this whole weight thing. I put so much... I think too much about it. It's hard not to, since I've always been a little bigger, but every time I look back, I think, "Wow, I didn't realize I was kind of cute back then." I always forget that I was never as heavy as I had imagined in my head. It was the stressing out that would get to me, I'd go eat some ice cream, have too much for dinner, drink too much soda. It never dawned on me as a kid that as long as I kept active, 1. the weight would not accumulate and 2. there wasn't that much weight to lose. I was only 20 lbs. heavier than the skinny girls in my elementary. That's it. But I thought I was fat. Now, I'm trying to going back on 28 years of bad habits for not thinking better of myself.

I need to treat this weight thing like school. I need to work out when I need to, eat when I need to, and yeah, I might eat junk food every now and then. I just need to remember that if I eat junk food today, maybe I should work out a little harder later today. If I can't work out today, it's not the end of the world, I'm not going to give up on losing weight, I'll pick it up tomorrow. I'm not going to eat that cookie since I've ruined the rest of the day. I just need to stop stressing about my weight and know that as long as I work out and eat better, my hard work will show.